Like any of my trips, when I first got to Ireland I had every intention of posting photos, updating stories daily and completing blog articles as frequently as when I was at home eg 1-2 per week

But then I had a hellish hostel experience…max 4 hours sleep a night for 4 nights. You may have read my latest post about that! I love my sleep, I need my sleep. I have enough difficulty with sleeping on my own without someone else interrupting it. That’s me done with hostels!!

I walked around Dublin in a daze, which was super frustrating because this was a redemption trip for me. The last time I visited was for a boozy girls weekend when I used to live in London, way back in 2004. Yeah, not a lot of memories from that trip, as you can imagine.

Because I was exhausted all the nasties crept in, I started doubting my blogging abilities, I lost my creativity, my brain was not functioning on that level…and I still had my course assignments to complete and hand up! 

With my mind not active on my own work, I started mindlessly scrolling social media. Then comparing myself to other bloggers and the success they were having, then hating on myself even more that I couldn’t find my edge, that I couldn’t compose a caption, that I couldn’t write an article. 

I had no routine or rhythm. I got the overwhelm, the analysis paralysis! Whatever you want to call, it snuck in and it got me. It got me bad!

I thought once I had a good night sleep and got the feck out of Dublin I’d be right. I’d get some mental peace and clarity. I’d find my creative mojo, I’d remember that I’m on my OWN journey and to just keep being consistent like I had been at home.

Then 2 days into my road trip around Ireland I had a car accident!

Those damn country roads got me. Well, the tour bus in the middle of the road, on a blind corner got me and the guy in front of me. Our cars collided, the bus carried on, on his merry way leaving us in his wake.

I got whiplash and for the next 5 days, my head to lower back was stuffed. A pain humming through my body constantly day and night. My back is still not fully better, to be honest, but it comes and goes.

So now my head was all screwy with stupid negative talk and then my body was all banged up too. 

I’m meant to be having this amazing time in a country I’ve wanted to explore for a long time and I’m in a cloud. My thoughts are scattered, I feel like I’ve lost myself.

If you know me well, you know I put a huge amount of pressure on myself. I have stupidly high expectations of myself, I want success yesterday and I over analyse everything. Ev-ery-thing!

I’m a nightmare to myself! I’m my own worst enemy.

But after the accident, I thought screw this! I have to pull myself out of this mental mess I’ve put myself in, remember why I started my blog, remind myself of my goals, and have some damn fun!

As an over-analyser taking pressure off is hard. My mind is always going, it’s why I have so much difficulty getting to sleep at night!

I guess that is the one downside to solo travelling is you don’t have someone with you to talk to, to vent to, to rehash the day or your feelings. They swirl around in your head, over and over again.

Added to which I’m also a stew-er. I like to stew on things, comments, events, interactions for days at a time.

So I was in the perfect storm in my head of stewing, over analysing, not talking to anyone, being extremely self-critical, complete exhaustion from lack of sleep oh and the car accident.

I was doing my own head in! Literally!

I HAD to stop being a bitch to myself, I wouldn’t treat anyone else the way I was treating myself so why am I allowing it for myself. No more. 

So no social media, no blog updates, no beating myself up about it either. At the end of the day, the pressure to post daily is self-imposed, who really cares if I post every day, once a week or have a two-week break. I managed to gain (and keep) over 50 new followers whilst not even posting.

Now it was just me in Ireland, exploring, meeting the locals, drinking Guinness and enjoying the craic! 

Releasing all pressure on myself also gave me the opportunity to get a fresh perspective, reset and realign my goals and it gave me the creative space to explore some new business ventures that I’m busy preparing for YOU. I’m working for a release in the new year (I’ll let you know soon) 

So, the moral of this long-ass winded story is- don’t be a dick to yourself! Be kind and understanding and patient.

Know when you need space from social media, from work, from people. Relish your alone time. Reach out to a friend. Do the things that make you feel like YOU, fall off the radar when you need to. 

Self-love and mental health are no joke and comparing your journey and success to someone else’s, (who is most likely on a completely different trajectory to you) will only lead down a dark path. 

I was comparing myself to people that have been doing this for years, that have honed their skills. I’m a newbie blogger, still with so much to learn. 

Number one. Blinkers on, focus on my own shit and keep learning, keep trying. Things don’t need to be perfect, they just need to be published!

I have to be my own biggest supporter, biggest fan, advocate and champion. 

These past two weeks have been an emotional, mental and physical roller coaster. This is not how I envisioned this trip to Ireland.

I recently did an Enneagram personality test. I’m an 8. Known as the Challenger. Followed closely by a 3, known as The Achiever, and a 2, known as the Giver. It all makes sense. It’s me to a tee. 

But I’ve got so much more to learn about myself! It’s an ongoing process, the all-important “journey”. I know I’m a strong, confident, resilient, hardworking, goal chasing, passion following, solo travelling badass. 

But I still have those times where I lack confidence, where I feel like I’m not good enough, where I do want praise from other people, that I do care what people think of me and my work. I want to impress people.

There I said it! For shame! How dare I verbalise what most people probably actually feel, even when they proclaim they don’t give a single fuck what people think of them.

Well, I said it, I feel it. I do care what people think of me. I don’t want to disappoint people, let people down, hurt people and if I feel I’ve done any of those things I get extremely down on myself. Anyone else? Anyone out there? Just me? Alrighty…moving on

I mean don’t get me wrong when I’m feeling badass, on top of the world, achieving my goals consistently, I’m one of those people that could give a single fuck what anyone thinks of them.

You’ve heard that saying “your opinion of me is none of my business” 

Sometimes that’s harder said than done. 

For me, I started reminding myself how far I’ve come to this point! This point right now!  I’m not the best writer, I’m not the best photographer, I’m sure as shit, not the best videographer, but I’m out here trying. I’m investing in myself and my skills, I’m surrounding myself with the right people, I’m giving it a red hot go

I love blogging. I’m doing it my way, on my own timeline, I don’t want to feel pressure or comparison from anyone, especially myself.

See what happens when I don’t write for two weeks?! It all comes pouring out into one massive caption which I have to turn into a blog post

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